Trust Is Earned NEVER Given.....
Know Who You Can Trust
By leonfontaine On September 4, 2012
Have you ever pursued a relationship even though you sensed it was
wrong for you? It’s happened to most of us—red flags alerted us that we
shouldn’t trust, but we ignored them and continued to allow someone in.
Instead of listening to the little voice telling us to be careful, we
gave them the benefit of the doubt.
Seeing the best in people is a great characteristic, but it can get you into a lot of trouble if you’re not careful.
To form healthy relationships, you need an environment of acceptance
and forgiveness. I like to call this environment LAF: love, accept, and
forgive. We love unconditionally, accept people the way they are, and
forgive them when they offend us. However, we can’t get LAF confused
with trust. Healthy love, acceptance, and forgiveness can’t be
earned—they can only be given. But trust should always be earned.
In Matthew 10:16, Jesus teaches us how to create great relationships.
He says that we need to be “shrewd as snakes” in deciding who we can
trust, and “innocent as doves” in our own actions and intentions. Those
who trust the wrong people often do so because they’ve never learned
that trust should be earned.
Jesus doesn’t tell us to be blind
as bats; He’s telling us to wise up and wake up! We will always come
across people who would take advantage, but it’s our responsibility to
be able to recognize and limit our exposure to them.
You can
learn a lot about a person by examining their track record. When
deciding if someone is trustworthy, you must realize that trust is
earned over time. It’s not built on what people say they will do, but
what they actually do and don’t do.
For example, if you notice
that a new acquaintance gossips, don’t hand out your trust too quickly.
They will create problems in your other relationships because they love
to bring out everyone’s dirty laundry. Proverbs 16:28 says “A
troublemaker plants seeds of strife; and a gossip separates the best of
friends.”
As a gossip looks for faults and problems in others,
they naturally find them because none of us are perfect. Gossips will
influence you to notice everyone’s flaws. They can’t be trusted because
you never know when they might turn their fault-finding microscope on
you.
Another type of person to be aware of is those who are
overly concerned with trying to protect their position in the pecking
order of your relationships. They may want to be your ‘best friend’ and
try to find fault with other friends in order to establish a closer
relationship with you. Confront those who put down your other friends to
make themselves look better and proceed carefully before trusting them.
In addition to having a good track record, you’ll notice that a trustworthy person does these three basic things:
1. They draw you closer to God.
A person who moves you toward things that hurt you can’t be trusted. A trustworthy person would never come between you and God.
2. They draw you closer to others.
Trustworthy people don’t try to hang onto you and keep you from others.
They don’t see other healthy, strong relationships as a threat.
3. They help you to become your best.
A trustworthy person isn’t threatened by your success. They don’t need
you to fail for them to feel good about themselves. They want to help
you become all that God created you to be.
As you develop new
relationships, keep your eyes wide open. Don’t judge motives and
intentions—it’s impossible to know why people do what they do—but always
examine behaviour and take your time when you’re determining who you
can trust.
